if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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