I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
