Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
