How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
