Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sobbing to NWA
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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