Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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