I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
smell my finger.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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