He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
