the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
