I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You left your phone here
Wait...
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