A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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