Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
