she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
