So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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