At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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