That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
