She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
