Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
