No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize