Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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