...so i touched it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
