i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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