We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
