I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
