before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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