I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
