the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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