I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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