I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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