I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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