So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
