I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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