You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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