Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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