Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And then my night got REAL pukey
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
