Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
is it fun? or sober?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
