I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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