I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
