I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
