How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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