Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
