This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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