i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
