One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
