just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The air taste purple.
Randomize
