My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have feelings that need drinking.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
