ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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