i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
