every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My balls are so social today.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
