2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
