Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
