AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
