i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
