the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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