so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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