did you get engaged???
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
