My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
