Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize