I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
whose parrot is this?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
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