I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
