i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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