your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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