Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
