so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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