we have officially lost it.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
