Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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