$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
