I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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