I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
